It has recently come to my attention that some people have been making statements about my “perfect life” and that I have it so easy and I have everything just handed to me…. It was also strongly suggested that I share some of the not so pretty things about my life.  Well, I have a problem with that, since I have decided to focus on the positive things in my life, but since it has been requested, I will do it just this once….

However, I will begin by stating that I am in no way complaining about my life.  I LOVE my life and all of the many, many blessings that my family and I have received.  I am so very thankful and grateful for each and every thing that I have, for my wonderful job, and for each and every person that is in my life.  BUT it is not all roses….

Here are the things that bum me out these days…

1)      I have a three year old who is flat out REFUSING to potty train.  I have tried every trick in the book, every incentive that I can think of, and I am at a loss.  (Positive thing: my mom has offered to help and is reading a potty training book from the 70’s for assistance … we will see…)

2)       I NEED a part time job soon… like this month…  Unfortunately, being laid-off for 6 months took a HUGE toll on our finances and I see no way to stop losing money and start getting some bills paid off other than by me getting a second job.  That being said, because of my work schedule and my husband’s work schedule, there are only about 16 hours per week that I could work and they are pretty set hours.  Therefore, it will be hard to find a job willing to work with me.  Additionally, once I find a job willing to work with my 16 available hours, that will dwindle the time that I will get to see my husband to a mere 4-5 hours two days per WEEK (total of 8-10 hours per week)!  Yes, that will be hard!  Also, taking about 13 hours out of the time I get to spend with my son will be hard as well, but I see no other options right now. (Positive thing: Working with the public in retail- I miss it.  Paying off bills and having some cushion money will be NICE.  Hopefully, it will only be temporary.)

3)      Not being able to buy any birthday gifts for my son a month ago.  Simply had no available money. (Positive thing: as usual, family and friends provided him way more gifts than he needed.  Thank you all!!)

4)      Having to return my birthday gift from my husband that was meant to help me finish writing my book.  Groceries, gas, and bills were more important.  (Positive thing:  We got to EAT and put gas in the cars!)

5)      Christmas presents for my son are most likely out… unless I find a part-time job (my husband and I haven’t exchanged Christmas presents in many years).  (Positive thing: just like last year, we will focus on Jesus’s birthday and doing as much as we can for others.)

6)      I will not be financially able to get my much desired skin removal surgery.  If you are interested in seeing the picture of the hanging skin under my arms and my belly, click here.Hanging Skin  However, if you think it will gross you out, DO NOT LOOK.  (The pictures do not show any graphic nudity, just my arm and belly.)  (Positive thing: as you can tell from this picture below, I am able to hide the belly fairly well in clothing.)

7)      Since I will not be able to get the surgery, I am conflicted about losing the last 40 lbs to reach my weight goal of 145.  I have had a number of people tell me, when they see me in person, that I need to stop losing weight now.  Well, I want to be at a healthy weight and I am about 35-40 lbs away according to the doctors.  BUT I do not want to lose so much that, if I am ever able to get the surgery, I am far below my goal weight and look like I have an eating disorder.  I want to be healthy and look healthy.  That is all.  (Positive thing: I am hoping that I am able to reach my size goal of 8.  Once I get there, I am done.)

8)      My husband will tell you that I am a handful!!  When stress gets to me, I blow up- usually in his direction-, but not nearly as big as I used to and it doesn’t last nearly as long as it used to.  It only lasts for as long as it takes my brain to think about how I can reframe the situation into a positive and how I can best dress it up and deal with the issue- usually less than an hour- and then I am done and back to seeing positives.  Our relationship is far from perfect, but we work on it every day!  (Positive thing: I usually decompress while I am walking or riding my bike… exercise!!)

9)      I am tired!  (Positive thing: Heading to bed soon!)

10)  FINALLY:  This didn’t actually bum me out- I just found it to be incredibly ironic, given the bad day I have had…. For the 1st time in my whole life (as least as far as I can remember), someone made fun of me today while I was on my walk.  A teenage boy said, “hey, big girl! Keep walking” followed by about two or three versus about how this big girl needed to keep on walking….(Positive thing:  I am choosing to look at the super positive here: He called me GIRL!!!  I am 35 years old and never once did me call me “ma’am,” “lady,” “woman,” or “old hag!”  He called me a GIRL!  I must not look my age!  WINNING!)

Well, I am DONE with that negativity!  No more!!!  My life is wonderful with a few raw edges and I am working on reframing those to be a beautiful creation of my very own!!

Have a great rest of your week!!

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One Response to It isn’t all roses…

  1. Taryn says:

    Girl you actually made me cry with this, you are so amazing and I pray God will help me learn to turn things positive when I get down! Keep up the good work!

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